Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
