I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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