Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
