the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize