For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
