i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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