now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
