We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
