If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
