god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
