Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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