There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
