I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't notice because vodka
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
