hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
