i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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