Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
