I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
