apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
