i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Maybe he injected his testicle?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need a beard to bite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
