so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
