Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
