My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
