So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
