WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
