Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ok first of all what the fuck
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
