is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
