We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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