I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
