He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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