we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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