Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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