Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
