it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
