I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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