Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
