it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
