Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
