so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
