Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
