At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
