i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
