What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So squirting runs in the family.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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