Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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