Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
