My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
