I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
