so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
