tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
