dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
