The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
