What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
