I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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