New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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