fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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