Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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