I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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