i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
