Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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