Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
