Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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