I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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