I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
