You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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