is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
