I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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