it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
