I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
