Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
