Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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