spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
