the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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