Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
