Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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