No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
