I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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