It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
