South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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