I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
