I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
