you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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