she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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