Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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